The quest to find our one true “person” is always on the forefront of our minds. It’s almost impossible to escape the desire to find our soulmates when rom-coms are flooding our television screens, adorable couples are taking over our Instagram pages and most of our friends are getting engaged or married. Whenever I see couples who appear to be “head over heels” in love, I can’t help but wonder: Are there any signs you’ve found your life partner that I should be looking out for?
According to Lesli Doares, couples consultant and marriage coach, it’s a little more complicated than you might think. “There is no ‘one’ person, but more a ‘perfect’ type,” Doares previously told Elite Daily. “This type can change over the course of your life because we don’t stay the same over the years. Different attributes might be important at different times in our lives. ‘The one’ embodies as many of those attributes at one time as possible — no one will meet them all.”
As Doares explained, your one true love will contain multitudes and can affect your life in more ways than just one. “The one” won’t just put a smile on your face and give you butterflies; they’ll do that and much more.
1. They support you.
No matter how big your dreams are, “the one” will understand and support you. When you’re up all hours of the night cramming for an exam or trying to meet a work deadline, they’ll be right by your side, cheering you on, making your third pot of coffee, and rubbing your back when you need a break.
“A meaningful marker of a relationship’s health is observing what it brings out in you and in your life,” Dr. Rebekah Montgomery, a clinical psychologist specializing in relationships and helping couples prepare for marriage, previously told Elite Daily. “When we are in healthy relationships, we are often happier and healthier.”
2. They listen to you.
Whether you’re venting about your mother or your best friend, “the one” will listen to you and hear every word.
“Everyone wants to be heard and understood, so it’s also more important to be a good listener than to monopolize every conversation,” Julie Spira, online dating expert, and award-winning dating coach, previously told Elite Daily. “Just saying, ‘I hear you, and appreciate that you’re sharing your thoughts and feelings with me’ will improve your communication skills.”
3. They build with you, not for you.
When you meet “the one,” the two of you will work together as a team.
“I think the most important quality in ‘the one’ is the commitment to work at it,” Dr. Montgomery said. “All of the aforementioned qualities might exist when you are dating, but how do you continue to foster them years in? Finding someone who wants that and wants to work at it with you is key.”
Your future will be built together, not separately.
4. You trust them.
You’ll know you’ve found your person when you can trust them completely.
“Trust creates the essential feelings of safety, security, and openness for both partners,” Anita Chlipala, dating and relationships expert and licensed marriage and family therapist, previously told Elite Daily. “You can be more vulnerable and deepen your connection and love. Without trust, a relationship will have a lot of negativity, anxiety, and disconnection.”
5. You don’t always have to be doing something.
Not every day has to be jam-packed with plans. When you’re with your person, even the chill days are magical.
‘The one’ encompasses a variety of characteristics such as compatibility, chemistry, deep love, admiration, respect, fun, and humor,” Dr. Montgomery explained. From the minute you wake up, life will feel like an adventure — even if you’re just laying in bed.
6. They never put you down.
Your person will never let you feel like “less than” because they will be there to lift your confidence and spirit.
“Healthy relationships have that nice balance of making us feel accepted and challenging us to grow,” Dr. Montgomery added. Your partner will make sure you know you’re valued, and you’ll do the same for them.
7. You want to share your life with them.
When you try a new restaurant or see a preview for a really great movie, you know your person is the one you want by your side to enjoy it with.
“‘The one’ makes you feel loved and secure,” Doares said. “You are able to be yourself and feel accepted. They make you want to be your best self, and they bring that out in you.” It won’t even take you a millisecond to make a decision; your gut will just know.
8. You’re always honest with each other.
Whether they’re telling you when you’re the best version of yourself or admitting that they finished the Doritos you were looking forward to eating, “the one” will always be honest with you.
“You want to navigate challenges together and know you can come out on the other side stronger,” Dr. Montgomery explained. “You want to know you can be vulnerable and share the deep, scary stuff with your partner and feel closer after.