So you want to know what to do if your boyfriend wants space.
Maybe he hasn’t been responding to texts lately. Or hanging up the phone a little bit quicker than usual.
Maybe it feels like something has inexplicably shifted in the relationship, and that he’s not as present. Or emotionally open.
Maybe he’s straight-up ghosting you and it’s freaking you out. Or maybe he’s been up front with you and has outright said that he needs space from your relationship.
This is a terrifying moment in any kind of romance, one that could have you feeling panicky – like you don’t know what to do or that you could lose him at any second.
And if you’re reading this, chances are you don’t want to lose him. So what should you do?
MORE: Why Do Men Pull Away?
What To Do When A Man Is Pulling Away And ‘Needs Space’
At the root of it, your fear is that he’s pulling away from you and that he’s going to leave you.
Maybe he just needs space and he’s going to come back to you… or maybe he really is thinking of ending the relationship. Either way, you don’t know for sure, and it’s freaking you out.
That’s why right now I’m going to tell you exactly what not to do, so that you can learn how to give him space but not lose him, push him away even further, or turn a short break into a relationship ending nightmare.
Whatever you do, don’t go chasing after him.
Don’t text him a lot, don’t call him, don’t message him on social media, don’t look to him for validation or reassurance. Let him take the time he needs without you reaching out to him and re-inserting yourself into his life. Give him space to miss you.
I know it hurts to not know what he’s doing or what he’s feeling. It hurts to think about the possibility of him leaving you. I know it sucks to sit with those negative emotions and feel like you’re not doing anything about it.
That hurt, that pain, and that anxiety is what drives you to cling onto him even more. It’s an insecurity, what drives you to text him all the time, look for emotional reassurance from him that he’s not leaving, and try to force him closer and closer to you.
To be clear: any and all of those reactions will drive him even further away, maybe for good.
Don’t Let Fear Of Loss Determine Your Actions
What does fear of loss mean for your relationship, and why does it send him running away from you?
To put it as simply as possible, fear of loss is when your negative feelings control your actions instead of your positive ones.
When you started seeing this guy, chances are you weren’t worried that he was going to leave you. You weren’t worried that you were going to lose something you had.
Instead, you acted like you had nothing to lose (because you didn’t). There was no existing relationship to be lost, so you acted exactly how you wanted to.
That’s what was attractive to him. Acting from a place of calm, happiness, and confidence is what’s attractive to the man you’re with. Men want to be with someone who’s relaxed, secure and happy – the same way that women want to be with someone who acts the same way.
So for however long you’ve been together, you’ve acted out of positivity with him.
But when you start to sense that he’s pulling away from you, all of a sudden you feel like you’re losing him. Like you’re losing something from your life.
Instead of having nothing to lose, you feel like a piece of your life that’s important to you is disappearing – like the ground is slipping out from under your feet. You feel scared, panicky, freaked out.
And then you act not out of happiness, or contentment, but rather out of panic, and fear of loss.
Your actions become about getting reassurance from him that he’s not leaving. They become about trying to make him stay with you. They become about trying to control his actions, rather than enjoying spending time with him.
As soon as that happens, the man you’re with will feel a strong urge to get as far away from you as possible. No one likes to have another person try to control their actions.
When he feels like you’re trying to control him, it makes him want to be out of your control, which drives him further and further away. If it’s not stopped, this leads to a death spiral that destroys your relationship.
So if you know you should avoid fear of loss…
What Should You Actually Do To Keep Him By Your Side?
First, it’s important to say that it’s completely normal for a guy to want some space, and it’s completely normal to give him space.
Like I said before, if you try to control him or make him stay with you, it’s only going to drive him even further away. Lots of guys want space because they don’t feel in control.
The truth is that many guys need space in order to get their thoughts in order about a relationship. Many guys need time by themselves (or at least time away from a woman) in order to figure out how they really feel.
A guy can have an awesome time with you on a date, can feel an amazing connection, can be head over heels for you almost instantly – and STILL need time and space away from you. Why?
It’s because for lots of men, the space between when he sees you is the time that really cements in his mind and heart how he feels about you. For lots of men, that time is crucial to sorting out his emotions.. Try giving him space to figure out what he wants — in most cases, it can be extremely rewarding.
That time apart is also crucial for him to build a desire to see you again. When you haven’t been in contact for a while, he’ll start thinking about you more and more, wondering what you’re up to, and ratcheting up his desire to see you again. But only if you give him space to love you
What’s important to remember here is that most guys need time and space in order to start to feel closer and more connected with a woman. That’s why clinging to him and trying to pull him closer will backfire every time.
But giving him space will make him miss you, and make him more likely to come back.
Watch The Video: How To Give Him Space
How To Give Him Space And Make Him Miss You And Come Back
If your man is acting distant and you want him to come back to you, I will be frank: chasing after him won’t work. The best thing to do is to give him the space he’s looking for so that he can solve whatever’s bothering him and get back to normal. Chasing him will only push him away further. Try giving a man space to figure things out — he’ll feel your absence as soon as he solves his problem and will want to come running back to you.
If He’s Looking For Some Space, Let Him Have It
I’m not saying let him go completely and I’m definitely not telling you to give up on having anything to do with him.
What I am saying is that many guys need perspective in a relationship,especially when they’re having strong feelings. It might sound counterintuitive, but the best way to help a man get some perspective is by giving a man space in a relationship. Giving your man space to come to his own conclusions without the pressure of disappointing his partner not only solidifies the respect you have for him, but also makes you less available (and more desirable).
Depending on the nature of your relationship with him, you can ask him about how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. If you’re already really close, you can ask him how much time he needs if you’re asking yourself how long should you give your boyfriend space.
If you do ask him, it’s vitally important that you allow him to be honest with you.
That means that no matter what his answer is, you have to accept it without getting angry at him. No judgement, no anger if he says something you don’t want to hear.
This is so important because people need to feel safe in order to be honest. Let’s say you were trying on clothes with a friend who asked you how an outfit looked, and you told them the truth. If they got mad at you and were mean, how likely would you be to tell them the truth again in the future?
You’d be far more likely just to lie and say what they want to hear in order to avoid them blowing up at you.
And it’s the exact same thing with men and relationships. Give men space to be honest with you, and they will be. If you can show him that you’re someone who he feels safe being honest with – even if he’s telling you something you don’t want to hear – he will be honest with you.
What Should You Do When Giving Him Space?
Let’s say that you two used to spend a lot of time together and now you’re spending way less. What should you be doing?
Now is the perfect opportunity to spend time on yourself. See friends that you might not have seen for a little while, pursue the hobbies that you enjoy, and do things that genuinely make you happy.
Your main goal is to be occupying your time doing things that you enjoy, so that you’re not spending all day missing him. Instead, you’re living your life in a way that makes you happy.
Like I’ve said before, good relationships should be the icing on top of the cake, not the cake itself. A great relationship only happens when two people who are already happy come together to be happy together, not when two unhappy people look to each other for happiness.
So take some time to enjoy yourself, and do the things you love to do.
The #1 Mistake Women Make When A Guy Needs Space
When a guy is looking for space, lots of women make this one mistake, which all but guarantees that he moves even further away. They make it into a game.
It’s totally natural to feel hurt if he needs some space. However, what will kill a relationship every time is if you decide to punish him for making you feel hurt.
A huge mistake I see women make time and time again is acting as if emotional balance in a relationship should be ‘tit for tat’ – and instinctively feeling that if he hurt her (even if he didn’t mean to hurt her), she has the right to hurt him back.
Lots of women will emotionally withdraw from a guy if he starts to pull away from them, in order to try to hurt him the way that he hurt her.
That’s the most toxic reaction you can have to this situation. If a guy sees that you have that reaction to him feeling like he needs some space, it will send him running to the hills.
Plus, like I said earlier, it will make him feel like he can’t be honest with you. If the way you react to something you don’t like is by punishing the other person, he’s never going to feel comfortable telling you something you don’t like – which will undermine and destroy your relationship in the long run.
Just Give Him The Space To Come Back To You Naturally
If you give him the space he’s looking for (by not texting him, calling him, or letting him be apart from you), he will start to miss you. Especially if you were spending tons of time together.
By not freaking out at him, or getting upset with him, or trying to punish him, you’re putting yourself far above other women in his mind. Rather than getting upset with him for being honest, giving a man space that he needs will leave him feeling impressed and understood on a deep level.
If you’re looking to learn how to give a guy space, you can certainly go down this route of texting, calling and not letting him breathe. That will surely make him run away. But if you’re how to give a guy space without losing him, this is the move.
If at the end of the day he doesn’t come back to you and ends the relationship, it sucks, but there was nothing you could have done. This is the best course of action every time a man starts to pull away or needs space – so if he doesn’t come back then the relationship was never going to work in the first place.
If he doesn’t come back after you give him space, then nothing you could have done would have made him stop pulling away. And that hurts, but at least you avoided all the drama, heartbreak, and awful feelings of trying to chase after him to get him to stay.
Chances are, if you give him the space he’s looking for, he’ll start to miss you and want to come back. He’ll feel refreshed and happy to be with you – because you respected what he needed and gave it to him without trying to punish him, even if it wasn’t what you wanted.
Either way, now you know that if he’s looking for space, let him have it. If you can learn how to give a man space to miss you, your relationship will be much more balanced.
16 Tips On How To Give Your Man Space
- What do you do when you give him space? Focus on your own life and self-improvement.
- How do you give someone space? Don’t “question” and “interrogate” him (gives personal space).
- Don’t cancel plans because he contacts you.
- How can you make a guy miss you? By giving a man space!
- Is space good for a relationship? Realize that you need your own space to show up for the relationship in a constructive and healthy way. Keep your options open (If you are not committed to this guy, keep your options open! Date other guys if you want until he officially locks you down.)
- Keep your social life active.
- Don’t focus on trying to control the situation; focus on being your best self!
- Be willing to walk away if the relationship isn’t what you want.
- Realize space is good for relationships!
- Start a new hobby.
- Be a fun person to be around (mood matters!)
- Don’t call or text him a lot.
- Have a good time when you actually are together to make him want more.
- Don’t complain and/or accuse him of things.
- Let him spend time with his friends and realize it’s good for him.
- Trust him — one of the best ways of giving men space is by providing emotional space.
- Make him smile and laugh together.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to give him space but not lose him?
Don’t badger him, let him breathe. This includes texting, calling, and passive aggression
How to give him space and make him miss you?
Don’t get angry at him for needing space in the first place.
How to give him space in a long distance relationship?
Maybe take a night or two off from Facetime, phone conversations, or texting. Reach some sort of agreement on cooling off contact for a few days, and picking a date where you both will reconvene.
How to give him space when you live together?
Go to a coffee shop, go for a walk, or stay with friends.
How long should I give him space? How much space should I give him?
It’s best you have a discussion with him because it will show that you are listening and are supportive of him needing space.
Give him space and he’ll come back?
This is where things get tricky. Sure, you can give a man all the space he needs and wants. Sometimes, even when you do everything right and exactly as he wants, giving a man space just isn’t enough to win him back.
How do I give him space to figure out what he wants?
Pick up a new hobby, make plans with that friend you keep bailing on, keep yourself busy. Let him have some time to himself free of texts calls or check-ins to sort through his feelings.
How do I I give him space to fall in love?
By trusting him to be himself and express his emotions with you honestly (whether or not you like what you hear).
Of course, giving him space is really just the first step… but when it comes down to it there are 2 big problems every woman experiences in her relationships with men – so pay attention because what you do next is vitally important. The first problem you’re probably going through: if you’re already interested in a man and you feel he might be losing interest, going cold, or pulling away then you need to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…