He Says He Wants To Be My Friend But His Actions Show Differently (12 Key Signs)
Have you got a guy friend who is driving you crazy with his mixed signals?
He treats you like he’s into you, there’s chemistry between you yet he firmly maintains he just wants to be friends.
So what’s the deal, is he just looking for friends with benefits or is there something more to this “friendlationship”?
Well, that’s what we’re going to discover today.
We’re going to cover the main reasons why he says he wants to be friends but his actions show different, but first, let’s check out some of these confusing signals that he sends:
Signs he likes you more than just a friend
1) He gets jealous when you speak to other guys
There’s no clearer sign that he wants to be more than friends than if he gets jealous of other guys because it’ll be evident no matter how hard he tries to hide it.
Whether a guy randomly hits on you or you mention someone new you’ve just met, you’ll see how his reaction changes.
Everything from the tone of his voice to his forced smile will give away his true feelings.
2) He always pays attention to the details
Does he remember tiny details you made in passing?
Does he notice when you make subtle changes to your appearance?
Let’s be honest, guys aren’t known for taking in the small details, especially if they’re not interested or attracted to the person.
I’ve known women to change their hair color or get a piercing and their husbands don’t even notice, so if he pays attention it’s clear he’s finds everything about you mesmerizing.
3) You talk constantly
What makes his actions different from a guy who genuinely just wants friendship?
He’ll want to talk to you constantly.
If he texts you all day and night, it shows he enjoys your company and is interested in what you have to say.
And even though he won’t take things to the next level, he can’t help but keep talking to you.
4) He teases you
Teasing happens between friends, but if he wants more, you’ll find the teasing takes on a flirty tone.
It’s a great way to see if you guys have chemistry, and it’s fun and playful.
He’ll drop plenty of suggestive hints and ambiguous comments, all designed to baffle you and make you question whether he’s joking or not.
5) He’s always looking out for you
When a man likes, loves, or cares deeply for someone, they’ll do everything they can to protect them.
It’s a fact – he won’t be able to sit by and watch you get hurt by others or fall into tricky situations without jumping in to help you.
And, if you ever need him, you know he’ll drop everything to be by your side.
6) His eyes reveal his desire for you
Sometimes, the eyes tell us what words can’t.
If his eyes follow you around the room, and you can tell he checks you out when he thinks you’re not looking, it’s obvious there’s an attraction.
You might also notice it if you share a lot of eye contact (another signal that there’s chemistry between you).
7) He’s always curious about your love life
As well as being jealous when you talk about other guys, he might equally show a great deal of interest.
Essentially, he wants to keep an eye on whether you’re interested in someone else, and even though he won’t admit he wants more, he doesn’t want anyone else catching your attention.
And if you start dating someone else?
He’ll always find reasons why this other guy isn’t good enough for you and how you can find someone much better (hint hint).
8) He prefers to meet up alone
You might notice that he always suggests meeting up, just the two of you. And if you’re with a group of friends, he’ll find excuses to get you on your own.
This could be for several reasons:
He doesn’t want other people realizing his true feelings, he wants your undivided attention, or he just genuinely prefers your company over theirs.
9) He makes time for you
Another sign that his actions don’t match his words is when he always seems to have time for you.
It doesn’t matter if the match of the season is on, he’ll still find a way to talk to you or be around you.
Sure, friends make time for each other, but they’ll also be upfront if they have other plans.
10) There’s flirty banter
Flirty banter is joking around but with lots of sexual tension thrown in.
You’re exploring pushing the boundaries with each other, seeing how far you can go before the other person starts feeling nervous and changes the subject.
There’s also the fun element of it, the nerves, the cheeky smiles, and lingering looks…not to mention all the suggestive hints that get dropped.
If he does this, there’s no doubt that he’s toeing the line. He might say he just wants to be friends, but his flirtiness suggests otherwise.
11) He finds reasons to be close to you
Do you notice that he finds any excuse to touch you?
If you’re out walking, he might casually put his arm around you, or when you’re sitting next to each other your legs will touch and he won’t move away.
Since he’s struggling to express his feelings, touch is another way to channel the connectivity and closeness he feels with you.
12) He likes to treat and surprise you
Finally, a major sign that he wants to be friends but his actions show different is when he can’t resist spoiling you a little.
Whether it’s a cute surprise for your birthday or bringing your favorite Starbucks drink whenever you meet up, his actions certainly speak louder than his words.
Essentially, he acts as if you could be in a relationship, so why doesn’t he just go for it?
Now we’ve covered all the confusing signals he sends, let’s jump straight into why he won’t make a move:
Why does he say he just wants to be friends?
So, although his actions show that he wants more than friendship, it’s not always clear why he won’t just admit it and this can drive you crazy, especially if you have feelings for him.
And the reason it’s so confusing and frustrating?
He keeps up this pretense that he just wants to be friends, yet every move he makes hints at the fact that he sees you as more.
Let’s look at some of the reasons he’s playing it safe and staying in the friend zone:
1) He’s doesn’t want to lose the friendship
Here’s an obvious reason:
He values your friendship so much that he’s afraid it’ll be ruined if you cross that invisible line.
Even though he might have strong feelings for you, even be in love with you, there’s always the possibility that things might not work out.
And then he’ll be heartbroken alongside potentially losing a great friend in the process.
2) He’s scared of commitment
Now, a fear of commitment is a common reason why some men say they only want friendship and nothing more.
But the truth is:
They crave love, company, and affection, just like everyone else.
They can’t help falling in love, but their fears and insecurities hold them back from making a move.
So where does fear of commitment come from?
Generally, it stems from childhood.
He may have had a dysfunctional relationship with one or both of his parents, or have been neglected as a child.
In other cases, he may have had some particularly bad relationships that have put him off love and romance, especially if he was hurt or his trust was broken.
If this is the case, it’ll be clear to see.
He’ll have a track record of dating women but never settling down, and in some cases even just bringing up the subject of a serious relationship visibly makes him uncomfortable.
3) He only wants to be friends-with-benefits
Another classic reason his actions don’t match his words is that he wants to be friends with benefits.
Essentially, he wants all the goodies with none of the responsibility that comes with a relationship.
And this is easy to spot because he’ll be very physical with you.
Look out for lots of flirting, touching, teasing but never a mention of love or emotions.
A guy who just wants to be friends with benefits will make it clear that they’re not interested in an emotional connection at all.
They’ll focus a lot more on the physical side of things, and they’ll test the boundaries to see whether you want the same too.
4) It’s not the right time in his life
In some cases, he might say he wants to be friends but his actions show different because he’s focussed on other things in his life.
It could be a case of the right person, the wrong time.
Maybe he’s got a lot of goals to achieve and he doesn’t want a proper relationship distracting him.
Or, he’s unsure of his future and he doesn’t want to enter into a serious commitment until he has things figured out.
The issue is, he knows he doesn’t want a relationship, but he’s attracted to you or has feelings for you and can’t stop his impulses.
This makes it hard for him to hide the signs and confusing for you on the receiving end.
5) He enjoys the attention
There’s always the possibility that he genuinely does want to just be friends, but he craves the attention and thrill of pushing the boundaries.
Whether he’s lonely, been single a long time, or simply wants to have fun, you could just be that friend who makes him feel good about himself.
After all, we all enjoy getting attention, whether it’s platonic or romantic.
The problem here is that your feelings are potentially being taken advantage of, whilst you might be falling for him, he’s only in it for the fun.
6) It’s just his personality
Finally, it could be down to him having a flirty personality.
Some people could flirt with a plastic bag, it’s just in their nature.
But this is where it can get tricky:
He might struggle to control his flirty forwardness, and this can lead to mixed signals.
It’s no wonder you’re unsure of his feelings because he acts like he wants more, but then you’ll probably find him flirting with every girl he comes across.
And although this might be upsetting if you have feelings for him, at least it’s one sign that you can easily work out.
Simply sit back and observe how he interacts with other women, you’ll soon know what the deal is.
So now we know exactly what the signs are and why he’s acting this way, but you may still have hope that the friendship could evolve into more…
Could his feelings about being in a relationship change?
It’s all very well knowing the reasons why he keeps insisting on being just friends, even though it’s clear he wants more, but what if you want things to go further?
There’s no doubt you’re in a tough situation here.
With your feelings and his mixed signals, it might feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster waiting to see if he’ll ever change his mind.
The truth is, it could go either way.
Take me and my partner for example – we started as friends, although there was a clear attraction from the start.
We evolved into being friends with benefits, and a few months later he decided to push through his fear of commitment and take things to a relationship level.
This was a surprise because he was the living, breathing example of all the signs we’ve just been through.
So what was my secret?
I didn’t apply pressure, I was happy to go with the flow, and ultimately it led to him naturally making the commitment.
So there is hope, especially if you guys share a real connection.
But, in some cases, he may draw the line and firmly keep it at just friends.
If this happens, you’ve got to go with what feels right for you – can you put your feelings to one side, or will the mixed signals continue to drive you crazy?
The bottom line
As much as you’re caught up reading his signals and trying to understand what’s going on in his head, don’t forget yourself in the process.
If you’re having fun and this is nothing more than a cheeky arrangement you’ve got going on together, by all means, continue enjoying it.
But, if you’ve got strong feelings for him, something has to change.
Talk to him about it, and if he’s not willing to clarify his intentions, then you need to decide whether this friendship is worth it or whether he’s just taking you for a ride.
At the end of the day, your feelings count and it’s not fair to be strung along by someone who’ll never properly make their feelings clear.