I’ve always been a firm believer in true love, but recent experiences and observations have tried to shake my belief in its existence. Before I go on, I would like to point out, that this is for people who sincerely want to love faithfully and be loved. So, if you like flings or dating multiple persons at a time, you should stop here.
It is not uncommon to hear people make statements like “love is not enough to keep a relationship or marriage,” but I beg to defer. I believe (and I stand to be corrected) that this statement is most times based on a loss of faith in love. Yes, you might like to say that things like commitment, patience and communication are also needed for a relationship to last. I agree. I also think, that if you truly love someone, you would communicate with that person, be committed and also be patient with them. It’s an all in one package if you ask me.
During my NYSC program, I came across certain individuals that didn’t even seem to want to find true love. Now, I know most “corper” relationships don’t last but I really didn’t expect it to be that bad. I really can’t say if my bewilderment was due to the fact that NYSC was my first real experience in the real world, or that I’ve just been living in fantasy land. Either way, it was shocking.
I was involved in a conversation(me mostly listening) with a group of female corps. members once and one of them said: “you would just give yourself a heart attack if you decide to go through your boyfriend’s phone”. I have to say, that statement made me sad. The statement on its own said a lot of things. For one to have probably had experiences to make them conclude that is sad. I did not really contemplate that there could be a little truth in that statement until I had an experience of my own.
So, I met a cute guy. Let’s call him B. B asked me out, told me he loved me, you know, the usual talks and profession of love. I actually didn’t believe him but I wanted to, I told him I would let him know. Next day, I wanted to send a picture from B’s phone to my phone through WhatsApp. After sending it, a particular chat with a girl caught my attention and I clicked on it. Lo and behold, B was chatting with this girl about how much he loved their recent “rendezvous” and couldn’t wait for the next one. Mind you, this chat was after he had professed love to me and on the same day too (I checked the time). Well as the sometimes bold young woman that I am, I confronted him about it. He said and I quote “but it’s just WhatsApp”.
I can’t say I was surprised because I didn’t believe him initially as his actions didn’t correspond with his words but, it was an experience that made me ponder more on the statement I had earlier heard my colleague make. It also made me wonder what happened to this generation to make B see nothing wrong with what he did since as he said, it was just WhatsApp. During that one year, I saw people cheat without remorse on their significant other and some of the cheated, accepting it as a norm saying things like “all men cheat, as long as he treats you well”. I’m sorry if I seem to focus on a particular gender but I’m writing from a female perspective.
I’m not here to encourage disbelief in true love; rather I’m here to say that despite how love in the 21st century seems to be lost, it still exists. They are just as many beautiful stories of people who have found true love as there are stories of heartbreak and disappointment. You know how they say bad news travels faster than good news? It’s similar to this situation. I’ve discovered that the more I choose to dwell on bad stories about love, the less I hear of the good ones and start to lose faith in love. There are some steps that I believe can be a guide to finding true love.
The first step to finding true love is allowing yourself to strongly believe that it exists. I know it might be hard to but you have to let yourself believe it. Think about this, you are a person willing to be committed and faithful to another person; it’s quite unlikely that you are the only one around who is willing to be committed and faithful.
The second step is to look before you leap. Most times we see red flags and choose to ignore them. Never ignore the red flags as they would always come back to haunt you. You need to be patient and please, do not settle! I know how tempting it can be.
The third and last step is to be yourself. Don’t try to act like someone else or be someone you are not, just because you think it would attract the person of your dreams. They should love you for who you are, but that does not mean you shouldn’t work on yourself where necessary. And when you do find true love, love without holding back.