If you are reading this, my guess is you are currently contemplating whether or not you should leave your relationship.
What questions do you have running through your mind?
- Do you feel like something is missing?
- Is it that you both can’t seem to get it together?
- Are there too many fights about the same problems?
- Is there a lack of passion?
- Do you feel misunderstood, or, do you not understand where your partner is coming from?
- Has there been a betrayal in the relationship that leaves you questioning what to do next?
- Is there something in your soul that is yearning for more?
First of all, wherever you are I want you to know that it is OK! Questioning where you are is a good place to start. It allows openness to what could come. And with openness, we are able to make decisions that come from a place of truth. Or, something close to that HAHA!
Well, here’s the thing, our mind plays tricks on us! Damn mind… We are blessed for our mind (don’t get me wrong) but it can make you see things that aren’t real and it can also make you hide reality so we need to begin by getting clear. Clarity is what’s needed for any and all decisions we make in life. Otherwise, we make emotional decisions and even though we may be making the right decision, in the end, it certainly doesn’t allow us the spiritual growth we need to accept the right things in the future.
So, what I’d like us to do now is go through five “muy importante” (“really important” if you don’t understand Spanish) questions that will guide you to clarity so that you are able to make the best decision from a place truth!
You could get advice from your besties, and by all means, get all the advice you can from them because they truly mean well… but from my experience, our best friends aren’t really relationship coaches (even though they think they are).
So… with your permission, let’s get into your truth babe!
Here are the rules of the game!
- Be in a place of stillness, silence, and solitude! … In other words: Turn OFF your cell phone! Light some candles and BE BY YOURSELF!
- Answer the questions in the spaces below
- Be open and truthful!
Now let’s get into the 5 Things You Need to Think about Before Leaving a Relationship:
1. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO FEEL WITHIN YOURSELF AND IN THIS RELATIONSHIP?
What have you been doing (good or bad) to achieve this feeling? After you have picked the feelings you have been trying to achieve, identify what ways, again, you have been achieving these feelings. Sometimes we achieve the feelings we want in good and bad ways. Be truthful.
2. BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE AT
What is right with your relationship? What is wrong with your relationship? What role have you played in the good? What role have you played in the bad? What role has your partner played in the good? What role has your partner played in the bad?
3. WHAT COULD YOU BE LOSING IF YOU LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP?
Identify what you most fear if you were to walk away. (Is it comfort, companionship, security, control, money, or self-worth?) Be truthful and feel free to express it even if it doesn’t look pretty.
4. WHAT COULD YOU BE GAINING IF YOU LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP?
(Is it freedom, peace, a discovery of self, happiness, and connection with the people you love, passions and interest, wisdom, love?) Why is it so important that you feel these?
5. FLIP THE SCRIPT
What ways can you transform this relationship? Since we determined what your ultimate feelings are, how could you bring these feelings out in your relationship? What do you see more clearly that you haven’t seen before? Is there a way to save your relationship in any way? Be truthful.
If it is clear to you that in order to stay true to yourself and your happiness, you must leave this relationship, I applaud you for having the courage and clarity to understand this.
WITH THAT SAID, IT WILL STILL BE DIFFICULT, SO HERE’S A CHECKLIST FOR YOU:
- Write 10 reasons why you will be standing for your truth and happiness through this decision.
- Write the next 5 steps you will need to take in order to finalize this breakup. (For example: Move out/pack belongings, call on the support of close family and friends, etc.)
- Handle this breakup with dignity, clarity, and love especially if you are the one doing the “breaking-up.” There will be loads of emotion being thrown around on both ends, and even though there isn’t a “perfect” way to handle a breakup, keep a mantra in the back of your mind so it makes it better and neutral for you.