You got a girl you’re interested in to give you her number. While this is certainly promising, it’s no guarantee that you can get her on the phone. Whether she is someone you just met, a casual friend, or an ex you would like to be close to again, you can increase the odds in your favor if you plan your approach to contacting her. Your texts and messages could give her a reason to want to call you.
Remind her about seeing you last. If you just met, re-introduce yourself; if she is someone you know or knew, but haven’t texted with, mention that she gave you her number.
- If she doesn’t have your number, she may not have any clue who you are when you first text. Try saying “Hi Stella. It’s me, Stanley, we talked on Monday.”
- If you exchanged some small talk, bring it up. Remind her that there was a spark of interest when you both met.
- Stay away from anything negative about the situation when you met. If she was irked about the long line at the DMV, don’t remind her of feeling irritated.
- Tell her how great it was talking with her. Say something like “Chatting with you made waiting in line actually fun.”
Have a reason for calling. Don’t call just to call, or just because you texted that you would call. You can come up with something to say from your previous conversations, and from information she has given you about herself.
- Try checking on something she was involved with or trying to get done. You could say, “So, how did your driver’s license photograph turn out?”
- Ask her if she likes or frequents the place where you two saw each other last.
- Check on how her day or week is going.
- If she mentioned her pet or pets, ask about how they are.
Pick a good time to call. If you got her number while she was at lunch, or while she was commuting to work or taking a coffee break mid-morning, try calling then.
- Don’t call early in the morning. Most people have a pretty tight morning schedule and can’t really take time for a phone conversation.
- Immediately after work might be a good time, but be aware that end of day routines are more variable than start of day. She may be meeting friends, or going to a class, or just looking forward to getting home and in front of the television.
- Don’t call past 7:00 or 7:30 pm. Just like morning routines, evening schedules can be very packed and very tight. You don’t want to interrupt her, and possibly annoy her, with a phone call when she’s trying to wind down for the evening.
Set aside time for calling her. Pick a time in your day when you can be calm and focused, and when you have plenty of time in case she answers. Also, make sure you aren’t in a noisy space that makes it hard to hear what you are saying.
- Do not call her while you are in distracting or stressful situations. Driving, waiting for your train or bus, or being in the middle of something else are all bad times to try to call. You don’t want to be tempted to yell at another driver or lose your train of thought because of multitasking.
- Do not call her just because you have some time on your hands. You don’t want her to think that you’re calling just because you haven’t anything better to do at the moment.
- Call when you’re sure you won’t be interrupted by anything or anyone else.
- Turn off the television, shut down your computer, and turn your music off or to a very low volume. Focus your attention on the phone call and nothing else.
- Do not call from a crowded bar or restaurant, or while standing or walking in busy places like city streets or train stations. The chances of being interrupted or needing to hang up suddenly are huge, and you will be distracted as well as fighting to be heard over the noise.
Leaving a Message
Don’t leave a message with the first call. If she doesn’t pick up, hang up and wait to try again later or on another day.
- If she doesn’t answer, figure out another possible time to try when she might be available. If you call during lunch, consider calling later at around 7:00 or 7:30.
- If you’re pretty sure she’s often available during the time you called, try the same time again in a day or two.
- Don’t wait more than one or two days to try again.
- If you have tried her a couple of times on different days or during different times of day, leave a message after the third attempt.
Leave your name and your number. Speak clearly and with a relaxed tone when you’re leaving your message, and don’t talk too fast; she might not get everything you say and you will sound nervous.
- Also refrain from talking in an exaggerated manner or too slowly.
- Leave your number twice, once at the beginning of your message, and once at the end.
- If this is a new acquaintance, remind her of who you are and when you met. Say something like “Hi Wendy, this is Peter. We met during lunch at Le Restaurant Cool on Monday.”
Give her a reason to call back. Don’t ask her out, or tell her that you want to make plans. Instead, ask a question or a small favor.
- Ask for information about the place where you saw her. For instance, you could say “I’ve been thinking about taking that class at the gym, and I’d love to hear what you think about it.”
- Tell her you have some point of interest about something she’s told you, like a good dog walking service or a great place for sushi.
- Check in about how some project or activity is going.
Waiting for a Response
Don’t make repeated calls. Make a plan about when you will call, and how much time you will wait between calls.
- Make no more than two calls on any given day, and then only if you’re trying to figure out when she might be available to talk.
- Don’t make more than three calls in one week. Give her a chance to find time to get back to you.
- Don’t call on consecutive days unless you’re trying her at a time that you think she’s available. Even in this instance, make calls on consecutive days only once during the week.
- Wait for the next week before any follow up calls.