Such issues might exist in your family relationships, friendship, marriage, or even in relationships with office colleagues and lovers.
When you’ve the problems, it’s easy to blame others, but remember that it takes two to tango, as I’ve often mentioned.
Sometimes you too are a part of the problem, but you might not even know about it.
Logically, there could be three sources of issues in a relationship between two people – problems in nature and behavior of one person, of the other person, and the external influences or issues.
Out of the three possible options, you can first choose to work on yourself rather than on others because you really don’t have much of a control on them.
The only way to avoid problems in a relationship for you is to be aware of the problem, know its cause, and bring a change in you so that these problems don’t take root.
Don’t wait for the other person to change – take the initiative yourself.
After all, it’s about your personal development as you stand to benefit from the changes you make in yourself, and you even develop your relationship skills.
Remember, no matter what type of relationship problems you’ve in hand, you hold a part of the solution within you.
“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. “ ~ Deepak Chopra
How to Avoid Your Relationship Problems
No one wants issues in their relationships. Yet, such issues creep into their interpersonal life.
Whether these relationship issues will affect you or not largely depends on your reactions and personal qualities.
Let me try and explain it through an example –
How can water enter airtight containers? Obviously, only if there are any gaps or holes that you fail to seal. The container would not be filled with water if these openings were sealed.
Similarly, there are some aspects of your personality that you overlook, which act like gaps or holes and allow problems to enter into your relationship.
You can avoid your relationship issues by sealing these gaps with your positive personal efforts, specifically by improving your personal qualities.
Like, whenever you’re presented with a problem, you’ve a choice to react in a particular way, or not react at all.
Understanding of a problem helps you to make smart choices. You can prevent a relationship issue from getting worse if you are prepared.
I’m not saying that you’re the only one who’s responsible whenever there’s a relationship crisis. But sometimes you don’t come to know of your own faults unless they’re pointed out.
It could also be that it’s not you but the other person who has problems with himself or herself, which leads to relationship issues.
Whoever the concerned person is, he or she and you – need to introspect and analyze your “Self”.
The relationship begins to fade away when you or your relations have a problem with EBB, which as per me is the hidden cause of relationship problems.
If you and your relations take care of these personal aspects, you may be able to avoid problems in your relationship.
“The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. “ ~ Stephen R. Covey
EBBing Away the Relationship Issues
Don’t wish for a life or a relationship that is free of issues, because that rarely happens.
Even in the best and closest of relationships, you witness issues or problems in some form or the other. It is said that there’s always friction between two people, and sometimes a little of it is alright too.
No matter how close you and your friend, partner, or relative are, you are still different personalities.
Every personality has a different configuration of qualities. These factors largely determine the kind of issues the person might have in relationships.
To assess your personal qualities that strongly affect your relationship, remember EBB.
E – Ego
B – Belief
B – Behavior
Whenever you’ve problems with your relationships, you’d observe that one of the above three factors is at work. Let’s get to know more about them.
Everybody has an ego. We use the terms ‘big ego’ and ‘small ego’ to denote the varying desire for “self-importance” in people.
Ego can also be defined in other terms as “self-image” or opinion of yourself. It generally means an inflated feeling of pride in yourself that makes you believe that you’re superior.
When two people having “big egos” interact or co-exist, there are chances of ego clashes. In such cases, they find it difficult to compromise as that would lower their importance.
Egoist people remain stubborn and cling to their viewpoint, because they feel that accepting or changing their stand would be deemed as their failure, defeat, or as an act of giving up.
Even if two people have a healthy relationship, ego hassles can arise any time, in both or one of them.
If neither of the people involved is willing to lower their egos, there will be ego conflicts that would eventually lead to problems in their relationship.
On the other hand, even if one person continues to have a big ego, it becomes difficult for the other person to accept the relationship.
People with minimal ego find it easy to compromise, which is the quickest solution of all relationship issues.
Relationship Tip – Lower your ego and you’ll lessen the chances of having issues in your relationship.
Belief is a feeling, idea, or an impression that you hold to be true. It is also your confidence and trust in something or someone.
A belief can change your life, and it can also change the nature of your relationship. Positive beliefs promote trust and strengthen relationships.
If you harbor negative beliefs and thoughts, your attitude too would turn negative. This could adversely affect and create problems in your relationships.
The same goes for the people in your relations – if they’ve a negative opinion about you, they’ll have problems with you.
Many relationships have problems only because there are some misunderstandings that aren’t resolved, as the people have negative views about each other.
If you think ill of yourself or others, you’ll not be able to get along. Remember that you become what you think – if you’ve self-doubts and your beliefs are self-limiting, you’ll create barriers.
Don’t let your beliefs become a barrier in having great relationships. You need to eliminate certain beliefs that create problems.
You should have strong self-belief and confidence in yourself to shun away the negativities that attack and surround you.
Relationship Tip – Think good and think positive about yourself and others, you’ll probably not have relationship problems.
Behavior is the manner of acting or controlling yourself. According to psychology, your behavior is the aggregate of your responses, reactions, or movements.
Beliefs are limited to thoughts, whereas, behavior is their expression in the form of words and actions. Your behavior too is of utmost importance to keep your relationships devoid of issues.
If you unreasonably use bad and wrong words for others in a relationship, then things can turn bitter between you and them.
Remember, actions speak louder than words. Your activities and conduct will create an impact on your associations, so be careful!
Similarly, you’re affected by the words and actions of people in your relationship. You may not like their behavior, and could form a negative opinion about them in your mind.
Even a single incident of negative behavior can hurt the relationship that has been maintained for years.
If you’re selfish or have ulterior motives, and the other person comes to know about it, he or she might feel hurt.
The golden rule or ethic of reciprocity – “One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself” holds true in this case.
Relationship Tip – Be good and understanding in your words and actions, and you’ll be able to avoid relationship problems.
“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” ~ Joseph F. Newton Men
Don’t ebb away your relationships by creating problems through your ego, beliefs, and behaviors.
Now that you know the basic reasons that cause relationship issues, you can control yourself and help others improve themselves so that these problems don’t occur.
You’ve the capability to avoid your relationship issues with your personality. The steps you take to maintain your relationship will probably motivate the other person to do the same.
Even if it doesn’t, you should carry on developing this capability and practicing it. Emphasize on improving yourself, as it will help you in your other relationships.
However, these are only some of the personal factors for relationship troubles. There are more relationship problems that one needs to consider.
I’d mention and describe them in one of the future posts, instead of making this one lengthy, for a change.
I sign off with my personal opinion that the issues of relationship don’t have a one-sided solution. But if you take the initiative, it could set off the change and encourage the other person to follow suit.
To really avoid relationship problems, all parties concerned should adopt the EBB formula:
EBB Formula = minimal EGO + positive BELIEF + good BEHAVIOR
When you have a positive personality – your relationship issues will ebb away. However, if your personality is negative, then there are more chances that your relationship itself will wane.
If you don’t follow the formula, then you’re bound to create issues in your relationships and make your life miserable.
But if you do, you’ll become a person that everyone would like to be with, love, and be attracted to. So, what’s stopping you from creating beautiful relationships now that you know the secret .