“I’m not good at anything…”
Does this thought frequently creep its way into your head?
It’s not true.
Most people, including myself, have felt like this from time to time.
Life moves around us so quickly, that you often sit back and just watch people around you are achieving and wondering why you aren’t having the same success.
But this feeling that creeps in, can actually taint us.
You start believing it’s true.
You can even spiral into depression if you let it get the better of you.
So, what can you do if you feel this way?
First, understand that everyone has strengths (yes, even you)
So many of us focus on character weaknesses. Why? Because it’s easy to focus on the negative and ignore the positive.
This is especially the case for those who have abilities that aren’t obvious.
Look at me for example. It took me years to figure out that these 3 things are what I’m good at:
1. Grit and the ability to keep going with a task even if I’m failing. I don’t easily give up.
2. I’m not gullible and I don’t jump to conclusions easily. I realize there are multiple sides to any story.
3. I’m a kind and caring person who thinks about other people and how they’re feeling.
Now sure, these traits are good, but they’re not as obvious as someone like Tom Brady who noticeably has great hand-eye coordination and is excellent at football.
When people look at Tom Brady, they think they are less talented. But this is not true.
If everyone were like Tom Brady, then society wouldn’t function very well. Everyone would have been busy playing football and exercising!
Society and groups require all types of people with different talents and interests.
So, while your strengths may be less obvious to the eye, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have any strengths.
You just need to have a think about what you’re good at.
Here are a few ways to do that.
1) Have a look at these 16 different personality types. It will help you understand different types of traits and tidbits that you have. You might realize that you have some traits that other people don’t.
2) Ask your friends or family members what they like about you. You might be surprised by what you hear.
3) What can do you do, or do you do, that others simply can’t or they can’t stand doing? Think deeply about your daily interactions and activities. What’s different about you?
See, the problem is, most people correlate what they’re good at to an obvious skill like tennis.
But you need to think deeper and more broadly than that. Human beings are incredibly complex and we have many different personality traits and skills.
What “I’m Not Good At Anything” Really Means
We’re all good at something. It’s easy to sit there in a funk and believe with all your might that you have no talent or skills to share with the world. But it’s simply not true.
There is at least one thing you do well. The trick is to realize, though, that this one thing, might not be the thing you wish it was.
For example, a lot of moms long for something more in their lives besides being “Mom.”
And while that sounds crazy to admit out loud, millions of women struggle with their “Mom” identities all over the world, especially when “Mom” replaced CEO or COO in their lives.
So you might be thinking I’m not good at anything, but what you really mean is that something is something in your life is not as you had hoped and you are blanketing your entire life with that single thought.
Next time you hear your inner voice say, “I’m not good at anything…”, use these 10 tips to push past that voice.
1) Take a break from social media
Social media is a great tool when it comes to connecting with others and sharing lives.
But it can also make you feel inadequate.
The thing is, social media is only portraying one truth. Yet we convince ourselves that everyone else has a much better life than we do.
That photo of the smiling kid? It probably took 10 minutes, screaming and a bit of bribery to get!
That selfie of your best friend? Likely one of 100 shots with a variety of filters applied.
Don’t believe everything you see.
It can be hard not to compare ourselves to others. When you’re feeling down and you start feeling that you’re not good at anything, it might be time to take a step away from the socials.
This will not only get you away from the ‘perfect’ lives everyone posts about but will also give yourself time to focus on your own life and finding something you are good at.
You don’t have to go off socials for good. We all know how addictive it can be. Instead, stay off them until you are in a better headspace.
If you’re finding certain posts are making you feel bad about yourself, then you need a break.
Once your head is clear again, you’ll be able to jump back without spiraling into a negative headspace.
Let’s face it, we could all do with a little break from social media every now and then. You can free up that time spent endlessly scrolling to actually achieve something.
You may find something you’re good at after all.
2) Find your purpose
If you’re feeling like you’re not good at anything, it’s because you’re lacking direction and purpose in your life. You’re unsatisfied.
Instead of sitting back and giving in to that feeling, go on the hunt for what would fulfill you.
Are you working too much with little to no ‘you’ time?
Take up a hobby!
It’s easy to feel like you’re not good at anything when you’re watching others balance working, exercise, painting classes, learning a language, and more.
So join in! Find what you’d love to do and have a go.
Are you bored in your career and no longer enjoying it?
Start a degree!
Another reason you might feel you’re not good at anything is because you’re bored in your career.
You don’t consider it challenging, which is getting you down. Time to change jobs, or even find a new career path.
Have your friendship groups changed and grown apart?
Make new friends!
As friends move on and change and you remain the same, it’s easy to feel like they are all off achieving while you’re not good at anything.
The truth is, friendships do chop and change and it has nothing to do with your skills.
People simply grow apart so it’s time to seek out some new friendships.
Are you longing for a relationship or in a relationship you aren’t happy with?
Being in a relationship can have the best of us questioning whether we’re good at anything.
Society places such value on finding a soulmate that you naturally begin to think negatively of yourself when you can’t.
At the same time, being with a partner who constantly brings you down is just as challenging.
After wearing away at you for a while, they can change the way you see yourself – even if it’s not true.
You need to work out what you want out of a relationship — whether you even want one — and make some positive changes.
Finding that purpose and what you want out of life will make a huge difference to your mindset.
Seek out new friends, a new career, a new hobby, and get excited about life again!
It will also teach you that you are good at something if you put your mind to it.
3) Don’t believe yourself
Speaking of our minds, it can often lead us astray.
They can become our own worst enemy when we go through hard times.
Whether you’re going through a relationship breakdown, just lost your job, been duped by your friends, or lost someone you love, negative thoughts can creep their way into our head and lead us into a downward spiral.
Your mind is a powerful tool and a dangerous one.
It can leave you feeling that you aren’t good enough. Aren’t smart enough. Aren’t pretty enough. Aren’t enough full stop.
If you’re struggling with these thoughts and can’t seem to pull yourself out of this funk, stand up for yourself.
If you heard friends or family telling themselves they weren’t good at anything, wouldn’t you step in and tell them otherwise? You should also be doing the same for yourself.
Of course, this can be hard. You might need a little help from those close to you.
Then it’s time to turn to your loved ones.
Lean on them when times are hard and talk to them. Even just having a shoulder to cry on or vent to can do wonders when it comes to clearing our minds and dumping all the negativity.
You can even ask them to share what they think your best qualities are.
They love you for a reason and will be more than happy to share.
This small boost in self-esteem could be all you need to clear your mind and fight these negative thoughts.
Don’t be afraid to ask – that’s what friends and family are for. Plus, you can let them know you’re there for them whenever they need it as well.
Friendship and family are a two-way street.
4) Accept you may never be the best
Sometimes, we can feel like we aren’t good at anything because we are bored in our lives and need a bit of change.
If you’re a perfectionist, it’s easy to feel like you’re never good enough.
You can go to an art class and feel intimidated by all the painters who are better than you.
You can go to an exercise class and feel out of place with all those who are fitter than you.
Right now, it’s time to accept defeat.
You simply may never be the best at something.
And that’s okay!
That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.
Go to that art class and that exercise class and give it your best shot. Tell yourself that’s enough.
As long as you enjoy it, who cares whether or not you’re the best! You probably had the most fun!
By letting go of perfectionism and just diving in and having a go, you can shake those feelings of not being good at anything.
You are getting out there and having a go – which at the end of the day, is all that matters.
5) Find something you’re good at
Take your negative thinking as a challenge and turn it around.
Instead of sitting back and accepting that you’re not good at anything, go on the hunt for something you are good at.
Everyone is good at something, it might just take a little digging to find it.
So, how do you go on the hunt?
Start by making a list of all the things you enjoy doing: painting, drawing, writing, photography…
Have you ever pursued any of these?
Now’s the time! Take them on one by one and attend some classes.
Keep at it and push through, you might be amazed to find you have a hidden talent there.
Just remember, people don’t just become good at something overnight. They usually study/practice and put their mind to it in order to achieve.
They may seem to pick things up naturally but these people are rare.
More often than not, it comes from dedication and hard work. So if you do truly want to find something you’re good at, you need to put in the time and effort to get there.
You might also need to think outside the square:
- I’m good at listening.
- I’m good at helping.
- I’m good at cheering others up.
- I’m good at laughing.
Often, we get so fixated on finding a skill we’re good at that we lose track of exactly what it means to be good at something.
Not everyone can be a math whiz or an English nerd, just like not everyone is compassionate and understanding of others.
It’s about finding your strengths and going from there.
6) Be honest with yourself
If you’re feeling this way, there is usually more to it than just not being good at something.
It might be worth doing some soul-digging and working out why you’re feeling so down.
Is there something specific you’re trying to achieve and feel like you’re failing at?
It might be time to ask yourself why you are so focused on this achievement and whether it’s worth it considering the way it’s making you feel.
Could it be time for you to let go and find something new to focus on?
Is there a particular person you’re jealous of and want to show up?
Jealousy is a very normal feeling but there is no point trying to outdo someone else.
Instead, consider other things you have that they don’t — to give yourself that self-esteem boost you need, instead of dragging yourself down because of it.
Do you simply just feel down about all aspects of your life?
It’s worth getting your mental health checked and perhaps looking at whether you should be taking any supplements to improve your health.
You need to work out where these thoughts are stemming from. Is it a simple matter of wanting to be good at something or is there more going on in your life?
Having a good, honest conversation with yourself to work out what it is you need.
7) Give yourself time
You simply may not have discovered what you’re good at yet.
There are so many different things people are good at. It stands to reason it can take a while for you to explore them all to discover your strengths.
Many people are happy just doing what they do and have zero aspirations to find the things they’re best at.
For others, it’s a drive within them to achieve.
If you really want to find what you’re good at, then get started!
Make a list of all the things you enjoy and start making your way through them.
The important thing is not to rush it. You’re never going to find what you’re good at if you don’t even give it a chance.
Sign up for that cooking class, take a swing class, do some pottery or sculpting. The sky is your limit and you have no idea what hidden skills you might find there.
It takes time.
You need to convince yourself you will get there, but in the meantime, you’re just out to have a bit of fun.
Think of all the people you’ll meet and friends you’ll make along the way. This will make it all worth it in the end.
How does the saying go,
“It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”
Instead of striving for perfection and success, focus on the progress along the way. Every day, you’re making small accomplishments that you should be proud of.
Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.
8) Choose what you want to be good at
You may be feeling like you’re not good at anything because there’s a particular skill you want to master that you’ve been having no luck with.
This is enough to get anyone down.
You might simply be at that pivotal point of your journey at which you don’t know whether to keep going or to give up and try something new.
You keep going, of course!
We all reach this bump in the road when we’re trying to achieve. This is our drive that ends up pushing us even further.
You may just need to reconsider your approach.
Go to the library and borrow books on the subject. Watch TV shows on the subject. Jump on YouTube and learn more.
If you’re really serious, then you need to dedicate a certain number of hours each week to this subject so you have time to improve and get better.
At the same time, you also need to celebrate the little wins along the way. This will keep you motivated and on track to achieving your goal.
Often, when you’re in the thick of it, you don’t even notice how far you’ve actually come.
It’s important to look back and see where you started and where you’re today. It might just surprise you!
Give yourself a good pat on the back and keep on going.
9) Ignore the negativity
We often have these thoughts and turn to friends and family to validate them.
As a result, they agree with you. Thinking they are supporting you in your realization and helping you through it.
In reality, you were looking for a confidence boost and they have instead reinforced your failures.
Don’t fall into this trap!
Your family and friends don’t think you’re not good at all. They’re simply trying to be supportive and going about it in the wrong way.
You end up getting yourself into a cycle of self-loathing that isn’t even warranted.
Does this sound familiar?
It’s time to take a look at why you’re asking friends and family in the first place.
If you approach them with negativity, they’re going to agree with you to help you move on and past this.
10) Be a jack of all trades
What’s the fun of being really good at one thing, when you can be OK at a huge variety of things?
How much more fun is that?
Jack of all trades – master of none.
Some people are just naturally a Jack of all trades and are good at a variety of different things.
You may feel like you’re not good at anything, but trust me, everyone else views you differently.
They see you taking on so many different activities and are in awe of how much you balance and do well at them.
Embrace it. Stop trying to find that one hidden talent and just accept you’re better at dabbling in a bit of everything. That’s a pretty good skill to have.
Everyone is good at something
While these 10 tips are a great way to lift you up when you’re feeling like you aren’t good at anything, the bigger picture is that everyone is good at something.
You just might have to do a little digging to uncover it.
If you’re struggling, think about things you enjoy…
Cycling, being with the kids, reading, writing, puzzles…
It’s likely you enjoy these things because you’re quite good at them.
It may not compare to that person on Facebook who is a math whiz, but it’s your own unique thing you are good at.
You could simply be good at being happy! That’s a skill many struggle to master.
Still struggling to think of something you’re good at? You can create something.
Start volunteering for people in need and become good at helping others.
Being good at something does take skill, but if you think outside of the box, there are some skills anybody can learn if they’re willing.
Imagine how the world would be if everyone was good at being kind and helping?
The trick is, to stop comparing yourself to others.
People love to brag about their lives but they leave out all the other details. You never really know what’s going on in someone’s life.
That person who showed off her photography skills on Facebook could be going through her own mental health issues and this is her way of expressing herself.
You just never know what’s going on behind closed doors.
Next time you find your mind wandering and saying, “I’m not good at anything”, respond straight away.
“Yes, I am. I’m good at baking/reading/puzzles and that’s enough. I’m also good at being happy.”
How an average guy became his OWN life coach
I’m an average guy.
I’ve never been one to try and find meaning in religion or spirituality. When I feel directionless, I want practical solutions.
And one thing everyone seems to be raving about these days is life coaching.
Bill Gates, Anthony Robbins, Andre Agassi, Oprah and countless other celebrities go on and on about how much life coaches have helped them achieve great things.
Good on them, you may be thinking. They can certainly afford one!
Well I’ve recently stumbled upon a way to receive all the benefits of professional life coaching without the expensive price tag.
Because not long ago, I was feeling rudderless in my own life. I knew I needed a rocket in the right direction.
I set about researching life coaches online. Unfortunately, I quickly discovered that one-on-one life coaches can be VERY expensive.
But then I found the perfect solution.
Turns out you can actually be your OWN life coach.