We all want love in our lives, but how do you find love that lasts? Isn’t this the question that bothers most of us?
Whether you are dating, single, or married, don’t you want to find true love that lasts a lifetime?
There is actually no right or wrong way of finding love. Love actually, just happens! You really don’t need to find it
I’ve been getting a lot of messages from my readers, asking me to write on this topic. So, for those of you who want to know ways on how to find love in their lives, hope this post helps.
Love is beautiful, and as with all things of the heart – there is magic in finding love! The best thing you can do is become a lovable person – a love teacher, and when that happens – true love happens
Many people struggle with love because they don’t understand it. I guess it’s not their fault because none of us grew up with parents who were relationship experts, nor did we study books on relationship advice!
For most of us, seeking love has been an adventure in trial and errors. Some of course have managed to find real love, while others sometimes mistake infatuation for true love. What is your kind of love?
Let me begin by clarifying the difference between the two.
“Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you’re headed.” ~ Jodi Picoult
Infatuation and True Love
Infatuation is when you tend to get that “butterflies in my stomach’ kind of feeling! I’m sure it’s happened with most of you!!
When you are infatuated, you aren’t able to stay away from the person you think you love. You feel that you’ve finally found the love of your life – and a person of your dreams.
You get a euphoric feeling when you’re with the person. And when you’re away from them, you’re either very happy or excited for meeting them the next time or you’re completely down in the dumps if you’re unable to see them.
However, infatuation doesn’t last forever. Sooner or later, you realize this unrealistic feeling and come back to your baseline level of happiness.
If however, you’re still together, which is rare, you both advance into the ‘true love’ stage, which is also called unconditional love.
You might ask – what’s unconditional love.
The true or real love, which has only one form – is unconditional, pure, and simple.
It’s simply the act of giving. It’s about feeling love within yourself, and then pouring it out to another.
You don’t try to get anything in return – you just give. And ironically, this way you also receive love!
Although I’d mentioned it in detail in my earlier post about – Understanding True Love Between Two People, but repeating it in simple words, unconditional love is the experience of loving another person without conditions.
You love them for who and what they are – simple, isn’t it?
But finding love that is unconditional isn’t easy!
That’s because you lay many conditions before you really start loving the person, don’t you? One minute you express your love to someone, and the very next it vanishes!
I think when the real reason you love someone changes, then the love tends to fade away and is replaced by negative thoughts or ill-feelings.
This causes havoc in relationship because you expect your partner to please you always. When that doesn’t happen, you try to control him/her so that he/she gives you the love you want – isn’t it?
But things don’t work that ways!
Most of us are trained to love people conditionally, and that includes me too! So, it takes a little time and effort to love someone beyond their drawbacks or flaws, and go beyond what all they do for us.
Nevertheless, if you are really committed to seeing love that goes beyond conditions in yourself, and in others – you will find love that outlives anything you’ve ever experienced.
Here are some wonderful steps to falling in love you might like.
There are of course certain ways to find love as mentioned below, which if you follow, you might succeed in finding love that’s unconditional.
“Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.” ~ Loretta Young
Ways to Find Love
You’d find many ways of finding love that last online. In fact, the Internet is full of such posts or dating sites. But these ways are just what I feel might work for most of you – I’ve used some also to find my love
“Love may be harder to find in some people, but when they do love you know it must be something marvelous.” ~ Criss Jami
1- Know yourself very well
When you enter into a relationship or start looking for a partner, you have many expectations already in your mind – like how the person should look and behave, or how you want your relationship to be, etc.
Your relationship crosses various stages, and sometimes your expectations might become unrealistic. So, unless you know yourself, and understand what you want in a partner, you cannot really proceed.
You might have your own choice regarding the height, weight, occupation, intellect, and other qualities or specifications you look for in a partner.
While these traits are important for some people, you should go beyond them when you are looking for love. Don’t bind or find love based only on these traits.
Tip on finding love: Forget about how the person looks because looks are deceptive. Forget about what your friend’s, parents, or others think about what should be right – ask yourself whether the relationship feels right to you, because YOU matter the most in your relationship.
2- Reach out and meet people
The best way you can meet people is by going out and making friends because friendship is the first step to finding love, which should be based on care and trust.
You need to be committed and have ample time in hand when you make friends. When you want to find love, you DO need to spend time with people who matter to you.
You can do this by accepting invitations to visit places, sport events, parties, movies, concerts, or anywhere you like. The main idea is to get to know each other better, which seldom works from home.
Tip on finding love:Don’t be judgmental when you make friends and when you’re looking for love. Look beyond the picture and try to understand the real person. You don’t have to be attracted to a person instantly. Let things take time, and slowly they begin taking shape.
3- Let people know you are available
When you are finding love, you need to let others know you are available so that as and when the opportunity arises, you can take things further.
You could work on yourself to look better. For example, some people like to dress and look the best. Without making yourself uncomfortable, wear clean and well-styled clothes.
Be confident, honest, sincere, and remain your true self. Maintain a pleasant expression, and a dash of cologne or perfume will do you good too!
When you are conversing, be attentive. Learn to listen when your turn comes, and ask a lot of questions to show interest if you like. Show people you care for them by mentioning their name.
Tips on finding love: Just be your true self, without being artificial. Express your keenness to get to know the other person by showing your care for them, and what they like or dislike. Be a giver more than a receiver.
4- Consider dating services
Nowadays, everything happens literally online! You might like to read a post I’d written about – Does Online Social Networking Friendship Really Work to understand more about it.
So, you can even consider online dating to find who is available in, or around your area.
Or even singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating work well for some. Some people prefer singles events as it increases their chances of meeting others they’re compatible with, though it can turn out to be costly.
However, don’t be too judgmental or picky, just by judging someone’s profile or picture. Those can be an eye-wash.
If you really want to find love, you need to give the other person a fair chance, just as you’d like to be given if you were in his/her place, isn’t it?
You could even join groups for singles to mingle with other people, or look for love in bars and clubs if you like.
However, it’s better to expand your social circles, meet new people, and participate in new events and let things happen for themselves instead.
But if you are looking for a long-term relationship or true love, then find places where you can talk with each other to know each other better.
Always remember to be honest about your flaws and shortcomings also. You’d like the person to love and accept you with your flaws, which would avoid relationship issues and bond you better.
Always beware of relationship red flags that indicate a relationship isn’t going to lead to love that lasts. Trust your instincts and feelings. Here are some red-flagged indicators –
• Instead of talking to you, your partner’s attention is on other things like the TV or phone, there is thus – no verbal communication.
• One partner doesn’t like the other spending time with family or friends, or outside their relationship – they are jealous.
• Both of you only communicate, talk, or make love when one or both of you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
• Either of the partner isn’t ready to make a commitment.
• One of the partners always controls the other, or stops him/her from having any independent feelings, thoughts, or won’t let him/her take action.
• The relationship is only sexual based, without any other interest or love for the other person.
If you feel ashamed, insecure, unhappy, or undervalued, it might be time to reconsider your relationship.
If you are rejected, don’t take it personally. Instead, be grateful that it happened before the relationship went further ahead. Don’t dwell much on it, instead, learn from the experience.
Yes, it’s very normal to feel hurt, disappointed, sad, and resentful when you are rejected.
So, acknowledge those feelings without suppressing them – take the lesson onto the next, and then, accept and move on!
You might like to read another post written on – How To Heal a Relationship When love Hurts, if you are heart-broken.
Tips on finding love: When you are dating, be your honest and true self. Spend time to know the real person before you commit. Be very sure before you proceed further with the relationship.
5- Move ahead
Once you feel that the person is right for you, you need to nurture the relationship and take it from a casual dating relationship, to a more loving and committed one.
You would need to be open with the other person without being pushy, and change yourself to become better if required. Remember that everyone has insecurities and other issues, so take care and be patient!
All this requires time and effort on your part, if you are really keen to proceed further in the relationship. Don’t try to get too personal at this stage.
Messaging and texting may be the best and simplest form of communication, though it’s best to talk face to face if possible. Learn the art of expressing your love to your loved one.
With time, perhaps your partner will change, and so would your expectations from each other. Perhaps what you wanted initially from your relationship isn’t what you want now.
Often, after the initial romance has faded, partners start taking each other for granted, or the love that once ways, begins to die. If you want the love to remain, in any relationship, you need to work on it.
Chalk out things you like doing together and spend some time, even if you are busy or stressed, for both of you to bond better.
Remember, you need to talk and openly communicate with each other. Your partner possibly cannot read your mind, so don’t expect the unexpected from him/her.
So, tell each other how you feel, and share your fears, needs, desires, likes, dislikes so that your bond deepens.
Tip on finding love: Falling in love is the most beautiful experience. If you want to find love, learn to be a loving person first. To love someone means to give more than you receive.
“Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own loveless-ness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it.” ~ D. H. Lawrence
Every relationship changes over time – it goes through the usual ups and downs, and that is alright.
However, a healthy relationship should bring out the best in you – by making you a better and happier person, who is more empathic, generous, and kind.
Keep in mind that love is built on mutual trust, affection, and deep understanding. It all starts when two people are ready and want to pursue the relationship.
You’ll get that ‘happy feeling’ the moment you are in love, and it comes from within – something that you can make out. Has such a feeling ever happened to you before?