If this year just wasn’t your year in the relationship department, maybe it’s time to refocus on you and what your heart needs. Perhaps you’ve been focusing on work and making your career dreams come true; maybe you’ve gone through a breakup and are on unsteady ground; maybe you haven’t been able to define what you need in a partner. Maybe it’s all of these things or none of them. Regardless, unsure of where to begin? Colin Christopher is a clinical hypnotherapist who works with both singles and couples on the road to true love and today he’s offering eight tips to help you find it.

1. Start with yourself.

Write down all the good qualities you have as a mate and all your bad qualities. Pick one good quality you want to improve that makes you even more attractive to potential mates and pick one negative quality you can reduce or eliminate that will make you more attractive.  You get what you attract.

2. Get off of internet dating.

Relationship sites claim that one in five relationships start online. That means four in five start offline. Follow the odds and get out there. Expanding your social circle will increase your chances of finding that special person.

3. Clean up your living space.

Prepare your space with the intent that you’re getting it ready to entertain a potential partner. This preparation and intent conditions your subconscious to be ready for a potential partner. If your space is dirty and cluttered, it conditions your mind to think that your space is not ready for someone and gives you an excuse not to meet potentials.

4. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex.

If you really want to keep mementos, put them in a shoebox and tuck it away in a closet out of sight and out of mind. If reminders of your ex are around, they constantly trigger your mind to think about your ex and shift your focus away from meeting someone new, exciting and wonderful. Your ex is an ex for a reason.

5. Forgive yourself for being single.

Being hard on yourself manipulates you into feeling despair. Forgiving yourself creates feelings of hope for the future and eventually feelings of gratitude and happiness. Those positive feelings are far more attractive to potential partners than the negative ones, so be kind to yourself.

6. Know the qualities you really want in a potential partner.

There are always things you liked and disliked about your previous partner(s). Make a list of the things you want and stick to it. If you’re not clear and you waver in your desires, you may end up settling or compromising for a partner just for the sake of being in a relationship instead of being in a relationship with the right person

7. Spend time with successful couples and watch how they interact.

Take note of how they respond to one another, how they know what the other person is thinking before he or she even says it, how everything flows seamlessly.  That doesn’t happen overnight, but it happens when two people are truly meant for each other. Also pay attention to how the best couples resolve their differences.  Standing back and observing is an eye-opening experience.

8. Listen.

The most important thing you can do when meeting a potential new partner is listen. Most people love to talk, but few are really great listeners. When you pay close attention, it’s amazing how much you can learn about someone. The best mates are usually the best listeners.