9 Things Not to Do During Your Courtship

Whether is courtship or dating, if the intent is to marry there are things you shouldn’t do.

Courtship is the period of great importance for the couples as it helps them set the right foundation for their marriage. In most cultures, the courtship period starts when a couple is engaged or decides to see each other for the purpose of marriage. A good marriage depends, in large part, on a good courtship, where a couple makes good use of the time that they get to know each other.

Besides love, what does it take to have a good courtship period?

Here are 9 Things Not to Do During Your Courtship:

1. Do not cheat on your courtship partner.

This covers two aspects. First, do not pretend to be someone you aren’t. Do not say that you like something if you don’t, etc. Do not try to be who you think your courtship partner wants you to be. Your spouse will discover your deception after the marriage, and it can become a cause of conflict. Be yourself. If something is not compatible with you, or your beliefs, do not force it. Remember that it takes a small crack to create a rupture. And, second, do not be unfaithful. Infidelity in the courtship can be a reason to end the relationship, because an infidel boyfriend/girlfriend, is often an unfaithful spouse.

2. Do not try to change your courtship partner.

There are those who think, “my partner has this way of being, or this habit, or this vice that I do not like, but I am going to change it”. That is a false expectation. People do not usually change. The introvert will never become an extrovert; the talkative will not know how to remain silent; the boyfriend who never agrees to help will be a lazy husband; the disheveled bride will be a wife in a robe and slippers. And the characteristics that bother you in the courtship, can intensify a lot in marriage and become intolerable. Either you accept him or her as they are, or do not marry.

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3. Do not justify the unjustifiable.

During the period of courtship, both partners are supposed to be loving and caring, filled with a curiosity to know each other better. But, if your partner is inattentive, leaves you waiting and does not apologize for their shortcomings, spends too time on their cell phone, is often late, or criticizes you can bet in marriage it is going to be worse. Do not look for pretexts to justify their bad attitudes, better look for another match for yourself.

4. Do not put up with violence

If in the courtship there are screams, bad moods, insults and physical abuse, you must flee! A boyfriend who raises his voice will be a husband who will raise his hand against you; a girlfriend who humiliates you before your friends will be a wife who will humiliate you before your family and children. Why risk getting married to someone who can put you and your family’s integrity at stake?

5. Do not let sex blind you.

Sex is fabulous. Saying this would seem to be a reason to do it in courtship, but it is just the opposite. It can make a couple believe that they are compatible, when in fact they are compatible only in bed. Someone who is good in bed does not necessarily make a good wife or husband. You may find someone very attractive or sexy, but in a good marriage, existence of friendship is more important than romantic love, for there can be many times in the marriage when it will not be possible to have sex, so if sex is the only thing that unites you, the relationship will go down.

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6. Do not disregard opinions and advice.

Get the perspective of the others around you, it is possible that your family and friends notice negative aspects of your partner that you have not seen. “Oh Wilma, your boyfriend is impossible”, “oh, son, she treats her mother very badly”, “Hey dear, I think your boyfriend was flirting with me…”; “I am sorry to say this but I think that girl likes you for your money, she spends it as if she is spending her own…”; “Uh, I saw him smoking marijuana.” Pay attention, do not close your ears.

7. Talk, talk, talk.

Courtship is a time to get to know each other, to talk, talk and talk about all the topics that need to be discussed or that interest you. Many marriages are broken because they did not discover in time that they think very differently. “I thought you did want to have children!”; “I did not think it bothered you that I worked!”; “I did not know that your mom would come to live with us!” Better talk than regret.

8. Do not forget that you have a family.

Marriage, in most cultures, is not just a bond between two people but two families. You may be living with your family after the marriage. Even if you are not going to live with them, it is most likely that you will have to live with them at new years, birthdays, anniversaries, some weekends, some festivals such as Christmas, Eid or Diwali etc. Besides, your parents will be grandparents of your children, and your brothers-in-law, their uncles. They will want to spend time with them, what kind of influence they will
have on them? Is this the family you want to belong to? Or are you going to argue and fight each time your spouse wants to see your in-laws?

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9. Do not marry thinking “it will make me happy”

Many get married thinking “this will make me happy” (because she is beautiful, or because she cooks well, or is industrious), or this will make me happy, (because he is so handsome that my friends will envy me, or because he earns so much that he can give me a life of luxury). There are many who look for a person who can make them happy. But if the pretty one gets ugly or gets sick, the handsome guy gets a tummy, or loses the job, no longer makes them “happy”, or they find someone more handsome or rich, they may leave marriage in tatters.

The motivation to get married should not be “you make me happy”, but “I want to make you happy”. And what greater happiness there is than to be in the company of the one who you love and who loves
you.

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